On My Own
by JadeSiren
Summary: A character piece I did for a O/C I play on Tumblr.


The pain in her shoulder was numb by the time she got through half the bottle of jack but her mind was still racing, as a rule she hated fighting with people she cared about and Merle was no exception to that.

With a sigh she pulled her hair up into a messy bun grabbed her smokes along with an extra pack and the bottle she was drinking from. Not even bothering to grab her hoodie, right now she was too drunk to care about if anyone saw her scars or the red, black and purple bruise that had formed on her shoulder as she walked barefooted out of her cell to go get some fresh air.

She tossed the extra pack of cigarettes into Daryl's cell when she passed it knowing he'd find them sooner or later and tried to be extra quiet when she passed Merle's so she didn't wake him up. She had a feeling it was going to be a couple of days before he would talk to her again so she wasn't going to push her luck with it.

Luckily everyone was either asleep or keeping to themselves so she didn't have to worry about any explanations about where she was going when she stepped outside. She doesn't go any farther than the railing in front of the door and leans against it as she lights up a cigarette, taking a deep drag she holds the smoke in her lungs until it starts to burn before letting it out. Looking up into the clear Georgia sky she starts talking.

"Hey, baby. I know it's been a while since we talked but I've been in kinda a dark place, in fact didn't think I was gonna make it for a while there. How's our boy doin'? Did his hair ever turn red like you wanted it or did it stay brown like yours? I bet he looks just like his daddy, all smiles an' charm. You give him a kiss for me an' tell him that. . . mama loves him with all her heart an' she's sorry she not there right now."

She stopped so she could blink away the tears that were starting to form and ran her hand over the back of her neck before continuing.

"Thought I was gonna be joinin' the two of you today, I went off on a run by myself into dangerous territory. Didn't have much of a choice the group I'm with needed supplies an' stuff for the baby they got here, her daddy is too focused on this war with The Governor to notice his people are in need. No one else seemed to give a shit an' you know me when I see people need help I just can't stop myself, you always said my heart was too damn big for my own good an' that I couldn't protect the world no matter how hard I tried.

I went deeper then I should have into the red zone to this store to get food, stuff for the baby an' medicines. Was going pretty good too even had time to grab some cigarettes an' a few bottles of jack I found it wasn't until I was loadin' the last bag in the car all hell broke loose. One of them was hidin' under the car it grabbed my leg, knocked me down an' slammed my shoulder off of some rock an' banged it up pretty good. I was stupid an' shot it so that's when the rest of them appeared, I got in the car gunned it an' took off like a bat outta hell.

Or tried to at least, the old impala I've been drivin' doesn't stand up well to a bunch of Biters attackin' it. One got on the hood an' I couldn't shake him no matter what I did, it punched through the windshield an' grabbed my hair. It tried pullin' me out through the window an' for a minute I was gonna let it, let it bite me so I could escape all this to be with you an' Liam again. That's all I've wanted for a while but suicide is a mortal sin an' I wouldn't be with the two of you if I just killed myself but if I was bitten God would understand, right?

I could almost feel bein' in your arms again, feel your breath on my neck when you would tuck your chin into my shoulder like you would always do, Sean an' I felt so at peace for a second. I was comin' home to you an' our child.

I put the gun to my temple an' got ready to pull the trigger as soon as I got bit, I even started to help it by beatin' on the glass so it would break quicker."

With a pause to take a sip of the whiskey to try and clear the sudden lump in her throat she tosses her half finished cigarette into the prison yard.

"You know what stopped me? A voice in my head sayin, 'Sugarplum, it ain't yer time jus' yet an' if ya don't come back in one piece I'm gonna kick yer ass!'

When I heard that I knew I couldn't give up just yet so I turned the gun on it an' put a bullet through its head.

It's been a long time since I let myself care about anyone, found anyone I wanted to protect. When I lost you an' Liam I thought that part of me died along with you.

You'd hate Merle an' he'd hate you. You'd call him a dirty redneck an' he'd call you a drunken Mick but there's somethin' about him that brings out how I used to be. He's always been so busy protectin' his brother you can tell he never let anyone do that for him, remember when we thought we couldn't have kids an' you told me that blood doesn't always make family? That sometimes family gets made up of people who need each other even if they don't wanna admit it? Well, Merle's my family now an' I ain't gonna let anything happen to him. If it means I die tryin' then so be it."


End file.
